Transformers 2: OUCH!

Warning: If you’re one of those people who doesn’t want to read reviews of movies ahead of time, stop reading now.

I never saw the first Transformers movie. Someday I might rent it on Netflix. I don’t really plan on seeing the sequel in a theater either. Today I was perusing one of my favorite sites, rottentomatoes.com, and came across the reviews for Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Rottentomatoes collects movies reviews from all over and compiles them into an aggregate score based on whether the reviewer deemed them fresh (favorable review) or rotten (unfavorable). Transformers 2 is polling at 20% fresh. Not good.

I have always had a part deep down inside of me that has delighted in reading really mean, snarky, scorching movie reviews. I just find that when panning a movie, reviewers tend to invoke some of their most vivid descriptions. Some of the excerpts from the reviews of Transformers 2 are so brutal they’re almost genius. Enjoy:

If you ever wondered what a movie would look like geared toward the underdeveloped brain of a gestating zygote…then Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the insipid illustration you’ve been waiting for.

Good when it is good, but extremely, shockingly, horrifyingly bad when it is bad.

The only part of Fallen more boring than when things are exploding is when things aren’t exploding.

Leave it to Michael Bay to take the fun out of explosions.

Despite having lowered the artistic bar to Death Valley levels, director Michael Bay has somehow managed to figure out a way to slither beneath with the flexibility of the pole dancers-in-training that he prefers to hire as his female extras.

Putrid, offensive and life-sucking. Early word is describing this woebegone fiasco as the next Batman and Robin. Having seen both, Joel Schumacher has every right to protest the comparison.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a bewildering, noisy, sloppy, cynical piece of work, a movie that sneers at the audience for 147 minutes and expects us to lap it up as entertainment — and be grateful.

This is the single worst film to be released thus far in the summer of 2009 and that’s a whole helluva pile of bad to overcome in achieving that title.

Revenge of the Fallen is almost literally plotless. It’s like a movie based on a TV Guide description. A bloated, ponderous piece of s**t.

I hated every 149 minutes. This is so bad it’s immoral. Michael Bay is a time-sucking vampire who will feast off your lost time. This is why the movie is so long.

This celluloid abortion should be buried in a vault and shown to film students as an example of big Hollywood at its worst.

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is not as bad as “Transformers”; somehow, in the face of long odds, it is actually worse.

…an ungainly and incomprehensible assault on the senses.

Critics blithely refer to movies as ‘painful’ all the time, but this is the real deal.

I swear to you that I have never had a film experience that felt longer than the whopping 149 minutes of Revenge of the Fallen, every single one of which I wish I had spent doing something else.

A cinematic avalanche in which Michael Bay eschews anything resembling plot or characters and instead screams at the audience’s eyes for two and a half hours.

A great grinding garbage disposal of a movie, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen isn’t so much a narrative film as a cacophonous series of explosions intermittently interrupted by needless dialogue.

Something is seriously amiss when a movie as noisy and frenetic as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is so boring it puts you to sleep.

A joyless, humorless, bloated carcass of an event movie…Nothing kills the euphoric buzz of exceptionally articulated carefree mindlessness quite like a newly emboldened Michael Bay.

After 149 minutes, I felt like I had been sitting in an aluminum garbage can while someone drummed on the outside with a wrench.

Even longer and noisier than its predecessor–as well as dumber and more incoherent…like a big, unsightly, clattery toy powered by a battery that just wont quit, even though you devoutly wish it would.

Fallen would do well to turn itself into a bland, eighteen-wheeler and drive out of town.

If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

The first, comparatively lucid Transformers was a headache, but I sort of enjoyed it….Revenge of the Fallen is more like listening to rocks in a clothes dryer for 2½ hours.

It’s like standing in the middle of a dust storm and opening your eyes to let the grit pour in. Car parts fly around the screen as if in a scrap metal tornado.

At once loud and boring, like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan. And at two and a half hours, it really is very long.

Even if it were a more tolerable 90 minutes, it would still sum up everything that is most tedious, crass and despicable about modern Hollywood.

Big, loud and definitely not clever, it’s a giant, lumbering idiot of a movie that, were it not for all the explosions, would send the most devoted action fans to sleep.

 

Songs Stuck in my Head (not a bad thing)

Here’s two songs that I’m really diggin right now and I’ve been playing on repeat.

The Thermals – Now We Can See:

The Kooks – Love It All:

 

Need a New Name

My domain name expired Monday without me realizing it.  Now I need to come up with a new one.  Any suggestions?  It’s really hard to come up with a domain name that is meaningful or clever that is also short enough and memorable and not taken.

 

THANK YOU

God has placed so many amazing people in my life and I’ve been feeling the overwhelming urge to start telling you how much I appreciate you. Hopefully over the next few weeks and months I’ll get the opportunity and muster up the courage to tell you this face to face, but for now I’m going to use this forum. If you’re reading this, chances you are one of these people and there’s a good chance you fit into more than one of these groups.

To my friends, THANK YOU. Thank you for making me have fun every now and again. Thank you for challenging me to drop my inhibitions, to get over my hang-ups, to let go of my anxiety and worry. You’ve included me in your lives when I may not have always been a bundle of sunshine or positivity. You make it impossible for me to be a loner or a hermit. We may end up going in different directions in life, but know that I’ll always cherish your friendship.

To the men in my life, THANK YOU. Specifically to the guys in Men’s Fraternity, thank you for teaching me about dedication, commitment, and leadership. Thank you for teaching me about assertiveness and courage. You shared with me your trials, hardships, wounds and brokenness and in so doing imparted on me wisdom more valuable than can be expressed. I might’ve been the quiet one, but just by sitting with you and listening every week for almost 6 months I got a glimpse of what true brotherhood must be like.

To the women in my life, THANK YOU. You are beautiful, intelligent, strong, compassionate, amazing women who can do anything. You deserve everything your heart desires and to be treated with respect and reverence. I can’t count the number of times my heart skips a beat because I’m in awe of you. I’ve been blessed beyond belief that you’ve allowed me into your life.

To the smallest small group, THANK YOU. I don’t know if you realize it, but in many ways you are what sustains me when I struggle. Thank you for being my anchor in this world when I may be feeling alone or adrift. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Thank you for placing your trust in me and being people I can trust to share my innermost thoughts. You challenge me, hold me accountable, pray for me, and navigate life with me and you’re like a second family.

To the “lunch ladies,” THANK YOU. Thank you for accepting someone who sticks out like a sore thumb. You make me laugh. You never fail to brighten my day. Not seeing you each week throws me off center. You’re just people full of joy and your gift of fellowship is unrivaled. Thank you.

To the church staff and fellow volunteers, THANK YOU. I thought I knew what service was until I met all of you. You are constantly teaching me about compassion, selflessness, dedication, attitude, leadership, faith, and grace by your example. You are all heroes in your own right who will never be heralded or lauded as you deserve.  You don’t do it for the recognition, but I thank you anyway.

To my family, THANK YOU. Thank you and please forgive me. You get to experience the worst side of me. The rude, short, surly, upset side of me. You oftentimes are ignored or placed second. And yet, you’ve given me unconditional support and love throughout my darkest times and been there to celebrate my accomplishments. You taught me responsibility, hard work, humility, and morality. Every good quality I possess I got from you. Thank you.

Finally, THANK YOU GOD. The blessings you’ve given me are infinite, but above all else THANK YOU for placing all the people above in my life.

 

True Sportsmanship

If you get a chance, read the following story by Art Kabelowsky of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

Out of tragedy, sportsmanship has a shining moment

I don’t know why, but I actually started getting emotional while reading it.  I’m not usually that type of person.

 

Knowing God

I’ve only read the first three chapters, but I already think that Knowing God by J.I.Packer is going to be one of my favorite books.  I’d recommend it highly.  I love this passage so much I just have to share it:

Thus the quality and extent of our knowledge of other people depends more on them than on us.  Our knowing them is more directly the result of them allowing us to know them than of our attempting to get to know them.  When we meet, our part is to give them our attention and interest, to show them good will and open up in a friendly way from our side.  From that point, however, it is they, not we, who decide if we are going to know them or not.

Imagine now, that we are going to be introduced to someone who we feel to be “above” us – whether in rank, intellectual distinction, professional skill, personal sanctity, or in some other respect.  The more conscious we are of our own inferiority, the more we shall feel that our part is simply to attend to this person respectfully and let him take the initiative in conversation.  (Think of meeting the Queen of England or President of the United States).  We would like to get to know this exalted person, but we fully realize that this is a matter for him to decide, not us. If he confines himself to courteous formalities with us, we may be disappointed, but we do not feel able to complain; after all, we had no claim to his friendship.

But if instead he at once starts to take us into his confidence, and tells us frankly what is in his mind on matters of common concern, and if he goes on to invite us to join him in particular undertakings he has planned, and he asks us to make ourselves permanently available for this kind of collaboration whenever he needs us, then we shall feel enormously privileged, and it will make a world of difference to our general outlook. If life seemed dreary and unimportant hitherto, it will not be seen so any more, now that the great man has enrolled us as one of his personal assistants.  Here is something to write home about – and something to live up to!

Now this, so far as it goes, is an illustration of what it means to know God.  Well might God say through Jeremiah, “Let him that glories glory in this, that he understands and knows me” – for knowing God is a relationship calculated to thrill a person’s heart.

I thought that illustration was incredible.  He also talks about how it is true grace that God allows us to not just know about him but to know him.  Not only that, but God initiates us knowing him.  He says those who know God have great energy for God, have great thoughts of God, show great boldness for God, and have great contentment in God.  I’ve highlighted about half the first three chapters and could quote the whole thing if I had time.  If you ever get the time, read it.

 

What Color are the Curtains???

So, in my daily reading I’ve had another nagging question pop up.

I’m reading Exodus right now.  Moses goes up to Mt. Sinai and God makes a covenant with him and his people and then he goes on to tell about all these instructions that God gives him about the ark and altars and building the tabernacle and how to perform sacrifices and what clothes the priests should wear.  Things like how many cubits high and wide the curtains in the tabernacle have to be and specifically what color thread they should be made out of and how many cherubs should be on the ark and what way they should face, etc, etc.

My question would be is there really any amount of historical context that would make all these details make sense? Maybe I’m not getting it because I don’t understand the historical significance of these seemingly silly details (that is oftentimes the case when reading something in the Bible that doesn’t make sense to me).  But, right now, it all just seems so implausible. 

Why would God speak to Moses and be concerned with how many cubits long the curtains are or what color thread is used?  Does God really care about these types of things, or does what’s in men’s hearts not matter more? It makes me wonder if this was truly what God says to Moses or if this was added later on.  That path leads you to question the credibility of the entire book.

Or, if you believe that God really did give these instructions to Moses, then how do you reconcile this old testament God with the God of the new testament who sends us Jesus? Jesus was all about going against the arbitrary rules and regulations.  How can that God be the same God as the one in Exodus?

So, that’s what’s stuck in my head currently.  If you have an opinion, I’d love to hear it.  .

 

Perfect Woman

My favorite poet (other than Shakespeare) is William Wordsworth. I haven’t read any poetry in quite a while and read this tonight and figured I’d share it:

PERFECT WOMAN

by: William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

SHE was a phantom of delight
When first she gleam’d upon my sight;
A lovely apparition, sent
To be a moment’s ornament;
Her eyes as stars of twilight fair;
Like twilight’s, too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful dawn;
A dancing shape, an image gay,
To haunt, to startle, and waylay.

I saw her upon nearer view,
A Spirit, yet a Woman too!
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin liberty;
A countenance in which did meet
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A creature not too bright or good
For human nature’s daily food;
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine;
A being breathing thoughtful breath,
A traveller between life and death;
The reason firm, the temperate will,
Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;
A perfect Woman, nobly plann’d,
To warn, to comfort, and command;
And yet a Spirit still, and bright
With something of angelic light.

I love this one. It was a poem he wrote to his wife after being married for five years. He had known her since their school days. In the first stanza he describes her as beautiful in an other worldly way. In the second stanza he begins to see her as human, flaws and all. And by the third stanza, he’s praising her strength, skill and determination. She’s the perfect woman after he’s recognized all those qualities. I think it’s about moving from that initial fascination to something more abiding while still being able to see something transcendent about her.

Anyone have a favorite poem they’d like to share?

 

Do you have a mantra?

I was involved in a discussion today where to a man we voiced the same frustration. We all seem to be discovering and learning new wisdoms and truths that if only applied to our daily lives could make major differences in improving ourselves and the world around us. The problem is that we all allow the little every day minutiae to distract us. We fail to apply what we have learned and then either forget it or drop it all too easily, never to be thought of again.

I was never one that was good about my prayer life. I would think of things to pray about or agree to pray for others in the context of small groups or church, but drop the ball during the week. In my current community group our prayer concerns are written on post-it notes and passed out. Each of us is supposed to pray throughout the two weeks for what is on our post-it. I decided that I would place the note on the inside windshield of my car so I would be reminded of it every time I drove anywhere. Let me tell you that it has made a huge difference! I have started to pray far more regularly.

So how can I apply this to the messages I hear at church or the scripture I read or the wisdom that comes from my small groups? I can’t write every detail on my windshield, but maybe I can distill some of this down to memorable and managable chunks. Create mantras out of them.

What exactly is a mantra? The definition of a mantra is:

1. Hinduism A sacred verbal formula repeated in prayer, meditation, or incantation, such as an invocation of a god, a magic spell, or a syllable or portion of scripture containing mystical potentialities.
2. A commonly repeated word or phrase:

It is something you repeat during prayer or meditation. The hope for me is that by adopting a mantra, I’ll be more likely to internalize that bit of wisdom and it will be more likely to stick. To become part of my daily life. In the past my mantra has been “Thy will be done.” For this season of my life, I’m going to start with the goals of the men’s fraternity I’m participating in:

Reject Passivity
Accept Responsibility
Lead Courageously
Expect God’s Greater Reward

I printed this out on notes cards and have taped it to my desk, my bathroom mirror, my windshield and my refrigerator. So, my question to you is, do you currently or have you ever had a mantra that you’d like to share? If not, what is a short saying or phrase that you think is worth repeating?

 

Seen It a Million Times, Still Makes Me Laugh

Don’t have anything profound to write, so I’ll post this video.  I’ve seen it a million times and still laugh EVERY time.